As everyone else has a shot at adulting, my struggles, sulk, fears and inadequacies are well documented. At least in my head. Life throws you lemons and its cousins to pile on your adult misery. It’s gradual the identity loss. The scalding leaves you a hot mess and the only cooling factor is the random TBTs you find on your cloud. You can only revel in zilizopendwa, a seat is reserved for you at fossil twitter. So how did you lose your edge? Devoid of accurate timelines, here’s my spin…
Circa 2011 peak blogging days. I wrote and wrote through my grief and I have to admit such vulnerability can only mean closure comes next. I played with words, as corny as this Valentines Post. I tweeted, clogged Facebook walls, met friends, made connections. Then along the way, I became less sparkly, lost myself.
It was too much. I made a conscious decision to unplug. My digital detox took a whole year. I came back responded to my 1-year-old mentions. Breathed. Lacked delightful ‘content’. It was then that I realized the world had moved on without me. Nobody was tweeting goodnight anymore, nobody was waiting for #newpost alert anymore. Who hid my bloody engagements?! The online space was angry at stuff. All the time. If it’s one thing you learn from human behavior, nobody cares for your shit. You are no one’s virtual monopoly either. Life itself is consuming enough to spare you 2 mins for mindless talk.
My non-digital aka real life took several hits too. In the process of trying to live my best zen life, I lost out on opportunities and friendships. All of a sudden I was okay with solitude. I was okay being left alone to figure myself out. What I didn’t know then is you can do all that without pausing your life. I did gain stuff too from all that reflection. Freedom, Peace of mind, Productivity, Calmness in my Life approach… I went completely analog in everything I did. You lose some you win some.
My reincarnation never took off. Then slowly my social media presence upended, the apps as good as uninstalled. I found love, woke, and a pregnancy. An oxymoron if you may. A 3 piece recipe for all those ‘wherever does she hide in?’ questions. So of course I kept off some more. In the good words of Cardi, I did fat in peace. No pressure, just existing for the gods.
I mentioned how the blogosphere has evolved meanwhile. Pure hobbyists of the craft are becoming extinct. Free labor and exposure buried in ancestral homes by our creative besties. It’s fascinating to watch and learn. I looked at my stats the other day and found this barely amazing post gathered 19k views while I was away. How sway? Can someone teach me capitalism I’m Keyboard ready!
My digital cleanse lived on with no manual in sight. It was severe, the degree. I can barely scroll down any of my timelines. I may cast a few aunty stares at a person glued to screen managing to. Consequently, I reside in that algorithm fronted bubble which is counterproductive especially now. When you clean up your thinking processes to start on clean slate & challenge your worldview. After all the unlearning you’ve embarked on, to among other things not let Zuckerberg & his allies warp your consumption pattern again. You push on and hope someday you’ll reclaim it. Your edge. Your Space. Your voice.
With a disclaimer that it may never be the same again. And that’s alright too. Whatever you have in you to give is still necessary and take in sizeable cups. You engage at your own pace. You scour for those hidden gems on Pocket and off Pocket like the mega newshound that you are. You search for the next compelling podcast form mentioned by that vlog babe for your morning routine. You put your feet up for Sunday Twitter Chronicles. You replace that ‘Sorry I missed your call’ text with a meaningful conversation. You research on which IG store will con you the least, with minimal damage. You Live.